Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Question of Jhort!

I feel everyone needs a hobby or a sport. I have discovered something that combines the two. Jhort spotting!  I'm not sure if Jhorts (or jorts) are limited to the USA but I think the long hot summers in North Carolina certainly lead to more Jhort wearing. Jhorts, if you don't know, are jean shorts. There is nothing wrong with Jhorts if you are 5 or if you are a very beautiful, tanned, fit and nubile young woman with very long legs and very short jhorts on- in California. Otherwise jhorts are very bad. Very, very bad!
My new hobby is to spot and surreptitiously photograph Jhorts. I got the idea in part from a friend who spots and photographs men in speedos with hilarious results. I'm amazed one of the results hasn't been her arrest or some hairy speedoed man getting the wrong idea about her interest in his swimwear! The sport is in not getting caught and in scoring the jhorts. The aim is to find a perfect 10.
I am still working out all the rules for the scoring but as a basic concept:
The older the person, the higher the score;
The fatter the person - the higher the score;
The more extreme the jhorts (too short or too long, too wide or too tight, too high on the waist or showing someone's crack or sack... you get the idea!)- the higher the score.
So a 20 year old with with a 24" waist would be lowest (0) on the score board (unless she was really ugly with hairy legs or worse - that would push the score up) Some of the scoring is subjective and based on gut reaction. If your gut stirs at the sight of the jhorts the score is higher!

The first jhorts of my collection - discovered in Charleston:

You may be thinking these are OK. You may even have a pair. They are not OK. Jhorts are not OK. Basic fundamental rule!
 
Youngish person - low score
mid knee Jhorts with a little handle on them (why?)
Average sized man- so lower score
Bad socks

I'll give them a 3


These score higher:
Wider at the bottom (the jhorts and the man)
His orange muffin top, tucked in to enhance the effect, boosts the score
If his wife had been wearing jhorts she may have been top of the board!
I give his jhorts a 5





These are great as bad jhorts go:
Too long, too fat, too old (and that's just the jhorts) 
Bad sandals and shirt
Her jhorts get a score of 7









I may adjust my scoring when I collect more jhorts. I may have been a little harsh. I remember from last summer there are some real Bobby Dazzlers out there!

The jhorts so far have been manufactured. They were designed to be jhorts!  I'm not sure if homemade Jhorts should score higher. Perhaps you could try making your own, courtesy of the video below. Be sure to email me with a photo of your creation! Enjoy!

6 comments:

  1. A very technical video.. I will not be pictured wearung jhorts as my score wuld go off the scale !!! lol

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  2. I went off scale with my spelling then

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  3. wasnt that jhorts you were wearing last night ??? Shall i score you ???? Deb.S

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  4. Mine are 'Capri pants' - completely differnt thing all together!
    Besides - Young, stylish, slim, long legged and gorgeous (as well as modest) I'd score a minus number!
    Hehehe! ;P

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  5. lol ! NO - they were jhorts !!!!_

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