Saturday, January 29, 2011

Muffin Top!

Apparently, the cause of obesity is ‘eating more calories than your body is burning’. I guess it has to be significantly more, for a prolonged period of time to be obese. There is hope for me yet. I am now living in America which is No.1 on the fat charts for obesity (at 30.6% of the adult population). It is, of course, the biggest consumer of Big Macs in the world too!  We, or rather you, in the UK shouldn’t feel too smug – The UK is at No.3 (23% of the UK adult population being big fat biffers). There is no surprise that obesity is related to poverty and poor people are more likely to be overweight. It is cheaper to eat from the $1 menu at MacDonald’s ($1.09 with tax) than to buy fresh produce and cook stuff. A pepper is around $3. Madness! You see ‘em at Wal-Mart, skipping the produce aisles, in fact skipping shopping all together and going straight for the supersize MacDonald’s. This is a shift from Tudor times when being a fat bastard was a sign of opulence. Given Henry VIII had complete control over royal portraits it is only too clear he was proud of that portly belly. Mind you, I know a few blokes like that today!
I have to confess to being slightly fattist. I have little sympathy. Given the cause of obesity (in its simplest terms before you start heckling me with genetics and diseases) is eating too much and doing too little, the solution is simple too:
Do More + Eat Less= Weight loss
Because of my attitude I’m sure fat friends of mine have enjoyed saying to me, since I moved to the US ‘Oh you’re looking well, put on a bit of weight. It suits you.’ I can read between those lines. They are chanting a little ditty in their heads ‘Who eat all the pies…’ I have put on a little weight:
Doing less + Eating more= Muffin top!
A muffin top is as it sounds – where your fat gently billows over your slightly too tight trousers – like a muffin bursting from its paper case. Nice on a muffin… Not so good on me! To get it in perspective I was a size 10 and now I am more comfortable in a size 12. Not looking at obesity…yet, but I certainly felt huge and horrid last night.
North Carolina has 29.3% of its adult population classified as obese. Realistically, the number is likely to be much higher because the official statistics rely on self reported height and most people are shorter than they say they are. Women in particular, lie about their weight and so are fatter. Shorter and fatter. So how is it that I go to a ‘clothing swap’ evening and I am surrounded by size 6 pygmies? Where were some fat tall bastards? Maybe here in Wisteria lane they are all too wealthy to be fat (although I know there are some very wealthy fat people and very poor thin people so I mustn’t generalize!)
The idea of this evening was that you take nice good quality clothes that you no longer wear to a gathering of like women and you hang the clothes up and look for something different to take home. Like a ‘thrift shop’ or charity store, only for Wisteria Lane. It wasn’t a good experience for me. It doesn’t help that UK sizes are bigger numerically so a size 8 in the USA is a size 10 in the UK. My clothes weren’t appealing, regardless of style, because they sounded too big.  Who wants to go up a size? They were too big for everyone in the room. Except for my clothes all other sizes ranged from an American size 2 (I have never met a fully grown adult before who was a UK size 4 dress size – do they even do size 4??!) and an American size 6 – all petite. According to my research American women should be short and fat not thin! Not only was I a dress size bigger than everyone else I was also considerably taller.
Depressed, I selected a couple of baggy tops that I could squeeze into, and my Muffin top could flow out of, poured a large glass of wine, had a big slice of Angel cake and put it into perspective. In spite of nurturing a muffin top, when I buy American clothes I can ask for a size 8 and make sure the label is showing when I go to England so people will marvel at my weight loss!


  1. Best get back to the belly dancing class then! lol

  2. You will have to book a double seat when you fly home you fat cow x Deb.S

  3. Do I want a big belly for belly dancing or will belly dancing cure me of the big belly?! While I mull over that I think I'll have some more cake!

    I might have to stop my campaign to weigh passengers with their luggage!

  4. Don't you have to have some moving flesh to be a successful belly dancer? lol. Can you get cake over there?

  5. Dont think it is the flesh that should wobble!It's all in the shimmi!
    They have cheesecake!

  6. You don't need a big belly for bellydancing , its all in the movement. I am sure your moves will get that muffin top into shape.