Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Two Monkeys Cafe!

The ‘Two Monkeys Café’ opened today here in NC. I wouldn’t recommend it. The service was awful. After being served some wooden pizza I was asked for payment in real dollars. I then had to wash up. One monkey chased the other with a spit covered wooden pepperoni to try and wipe the spit on him. The fleeing monkey ran into the TV stand and it ended in tears and an ice pack! I never intended to have children. I had my first at 36. People said you must have another, they will play together! Those people already had more than one child. They knew the truth and they lied! I bet they even giggled after that said it! The collaboration of siblings for the short commercial existence of the Two Monkeys Café demonstrated that my children can not play nicely together. Naughty monkeys!
We share 98% of our DNA with monkeys. I guess it is amazing the difference that 2% can make (or not) to us. There is a massive educational debate in America about evolution. According to Time Magazine most USA high school biology teachers do not endorse Darwin’s theory of evolution in class. A whopping 60% of them will only teach the principles of evolution – ‘pertaining to molecular biology as one theory among many as necessary to pass national tests’. In other words they will not teach human evolution. It goes against the idea that God created each creature individually! According to one creationist, the Grand Canyon was not the
result of millennia of erosion but was created during Noah’s flood! Good job he had a bloody big boat for all the animals. Scientifically (and in every other way) incest is bad but for the good bible lovin’ folk, they don’t seem to mind that all animals derive from the pairs going on that arc. There must have been some seriously incestuous relationships weakening the gene pool there! It explains animals like the aardvark! Perhaps that was Noah’s little joke after some species cross contaminated during those long dark arc nights!
In the UK schools must teach evolution as part of the science national curriculum. Creationism is strictly for the remit of religious education – a belief and nothing to do with science. To be scientific there has to be evidence and testable proof! In the US, states direct their own curriculums and as you can imagine some states advocate creationist theory to be taught in Science and for Darwin to be presented a ‘theory’ not scientific fact!! States are actively trying to minimize the teaching of evolution and promote the idea of creationism or at least the idea that there was ‘intelligent design’ (i.e. with the influence of a higher power). I like the idea of ‘intelligent design. If the creationist were intelligent they would tie it in with scientifically proven evolution and claim it was ‘God issuing upgrades’ Ha!
 Just a small example of State madness:
Alabama: Biology textbooks in Alabama have included a disclaimer describing evolution as a "controversial theory" Controversial? Yeah – all those fossils and radioactive dating – just theory! Made up by Darwin and mad university types! You know – scientists! Instead, let’s teach the kids that one all-powerful being did it in six days (albeit long ones). Not controversial at all!
Arkansas: had to remove stickers on text books saying that evolution alone is "not adequate to explain the origins of life." There MUST be something else! Now where the f**k is the God particle? Must be somewhere. Let’s get 10,000 scientists to build a huge particle collider to find the one which is God! Particles are tiny. May take some time. In the meantime – let’s teach that God is huge and created the whole caboodle!
Georgia: Stickers on science books stating that evolution is "a theory, not a fact... this material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered."  were ruled unconstitutional.  Goooood Jawb! Georgia is still contesting the ruling! Tax payers! Helloooow!
Kentucky: Public schools in Kentucky are allowed to teach creationism in addition to evolution. See the application to be a resident of Kentucky below! (if you cant see it there's a link to the website I took it from!)
Ohio: Emphasizes the "debate" over evolution and creationism as equally ‘controversial theories’. Yep. Equal! Proof of one is all that scientific research. Proof of the other is the ‘Good’ book!
I was relieved to find that North Carolina does not allow the teaching of creationism as an alternative theory to Darwin in its public schools, but I did find evidence of teachers who ‘cheat’ and will not refer to evolution of humans! The following comment on one NC message board was particularly interesting:
"It's really a disgrace for the state school board to impose evolution on our students without teaching creationism," county school board member Jimmy Hobbs said at Tuesday's meeting. "The law says we can't have Bibles in schools, but we can have evolution, of the atheists."

This implies that atheists have been involved in a process of evolution whilst creationists haven’t. I guess that 2% DNA really does make a difference after all!

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orang-utan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's The Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?
"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."


  1. I like the application form. Suggest you remove it though as some folks might see Kentucky as nirvana as all options apply and you could be starting mass inter state migration.

  2. Your two are a good example of cheeky monkeys. How can anyone not believe in evolution when evidence is all around us. You certainly live in a strange land.

  3. I think Kentucky blows the 'intelligent design' theory out the water - unless the designer has a big sense of humour!

  4. i know i lied hahahahahhaha - welcome to my world xxxx Deb.S

  5. lol. Again, I believe in God. It's about the Faith. Not going to preach. I do however, keep an open mind and watch shows that talk about how we evolved from apes. I just watched something on Neanderthals, it was pretty cool. I find this post pretty interesting :D