Friday, May 13, 2011

America Has Decided!

America has decided. I should have known the outcome.  I lived in hope!
The first blog I ever wrote was because of the dislocation I felt at being in America while ‘The X Factor’ was on in the UK. Everyone (well, not everyone but a fair few) were posting on facebook and chattering about the results each week. I hadn’t watched it and couldn’t join in. Today I feel a similar dislocation having got in to American Idol. Well, TV is really shite here. That’s my excuse. I want to discuss the results and no one in the UK will know what I am wittering on about! (even less than usual!)
I watched American Idol last night and I had a revelation. The end of the world and Judgment Day isn’t 21st May 2011. It is 12th May 2011. Today! Harold Camping got the numbers the wrong way round. The final conflict was played out on the screen between good and evil, between Rock and Jesus on American Idol on 12th May! This epic battle was personified by two contestants:
James is the Rocker. For the first time on such a show a contestant sang real rock, not just pseudo anthem rock like Queen songs. Amongst his influences James sited Ronnie James Dio. A Rock God! As a student I had a monster Dio poster above my bed. It was one of those huge promo posters. The artwork on Rock stuff was fantastic then. This poster showed a child innocently sleeping in bed with a f**k off massive devil looking on. A ‘friend’ tried to save me, saying the devil was sending subconscious messages to me through the poster and that I should find Jesus. I lost the friend and turned up the volume!
James the contestant sang Judas Priest on American idol! Judas Priest FFS! Judas Priest was accused of being responsible for ‘self inflicted gunshot wounds’ that killed one man and seriously disfigured another America (adding those two simple words 'in America' immediately makes something believable). It was alleged that after listening to Judas Priest’s subliminal messages, heard if the music was played backwards, the two took ‘do it’ to mean blowing their heads off. Drugs and alcohol were not seen as responsible culprits by the prosecution! The lead singer told the court that if he was going to insert subliminal messages it would be "Buy more of our records."
Apparently speech reversal is a naturally-occurring phenomenon on records and Priest songs contained gems such as ‘‘f**k the lord’ and 'You silly f**k'. I listened to the American Idol singer backwards and indeed I got a subliminal message. It said ‘WTF, Get a life, FFS!' . Oh and ‘Give rock a chance’. I took it all personally.
Singing Judas Priest was always going to be a risky strategy for a wanabe pop idol.  Added to the ‘take your daughter to the slaughter’ type rock image that doesn’t go down well in the southern states, the lead singer of Judas Priest is gay. I don’t think that is allowed in America. They don’t like Judas much either. He was such a Judas! And priests are catholic! None of these factors are vote winners, in the south at least!
James said ‘I just want America to give Rock a chance’ (I heard him, backwards). I suppose it wasn’t so crazy given Steven Tyler is a judge. Judas!
After the other contestant’s performance last night I thought Rock and James really had a chance. The other contestant pesonifying the epic battle is Scotty. Scotty is a country singer. A very good country singer. There is something unnerving and incongruous about a deep country voice coming out of a 17 year old with barely any bum fluff. That voice belongs to a much hairier man! Scotty is from North Carolina. He played a blinder for the home state when he sang a song ‘Where were you (when the world stopped turning)’. It was about 9/11 so it would get a patriotic sympathy vote. Then he did the chorus – all about being a simple man. He crooned ‘I know Jesus and I talk to God’. I was open mouthed. NC might love him and his sentiments but he was going home. The Bible belt is surely just that – a belt across America with some sanity above and to the West. The rocker is from California (of course). They wouldn’t buy that in CA, would they? If anyone on the UK versions of this show did that (mention the 'J' word on popular TV) they wouldn’t wait till the results show, they would get their coat as the music suddenly stopped, the spot light went out and the tumbleweed swept across the studio. Competition Suicide.  I played Scotty's song backwards and heard ‘WTF, Get a life, FFS!’ It was a message for 'American Idol' voting America! 72 million of them on Wednesday night. Scotty’s favourite quote according to the Idol website is ’Philippians 4:13 I can do all things though Christ who strengthens me’. Lady Gaga was on the show, helping the contestants. She gyrated with James the Rocker. Scotty kissed his cross round his neck when she left the room.
James has an amazing, versatile voice and chose rock as the medium, Scotty is a one trick pony – albeit a very good one. Scotty isn’t alone. Another ‘country’ contestant from Georgia, Lauren, seems to have the same quote. She sang an Elvis song ‘Trouble’ but was reluctant to sing the lines:
‘Because I'm evil, my middle name is misery, Well I'm evil, so don't you mess around with me’
It’s a song! Doesn’t make it so. Singing about being good doesn’t make it so either! The final showdown should’ve been Scotty and James. Lauren wasn’t a patch on either but was strengthened through Jesus. Seems Jesus is a bigger vote winner here than talent!

So – you can see why I saw this as an important and pivotal moment. What America decided would impact on my perceptions in an important way. Well, America decided:

Good v Evil
Sense v Nonsense
Credible v Discredited

You all know who went home don’t you?!

I think it is time I did!


  1. It was a shock , James was the best by far. Scotty play the right tactic with his choice and and it paid off. Give me the bad boy anyday.

  2. Jane...serious blog ! You've got me worried. Are you ok ?

  3. Must be my dark humour! I thought I was being funny! lol!!!
    Just discovered lady gaga sang about judas and Jesus! think I need to add it to the blog as a musical interlude!

  4. There is humour there for sure.... but, you're right its dark !

    We have Eurovision tonight - I'll be reading a whole lot more into it now... maybe Jedward are not the harmless pair of twats I thought they were, but something far more profound. (actually if they win.. It could be the last straw for Ireland - how the hell can an already bankrupt country afford to host Eurovision next year !!)