Friday, October 7, 2011

Moving on Out!

‘Goodbye cruel world. I’m off to join the circus’
Make that ‘good bye NC I’m of to move to Texas!”

The removal men turned up very late to pack our lives into their truck and move it to a new, possibly even stranger land. They got lost and called to ask us where they were. “Why the f**k would I know?” was my first thought but I had to spend 2 days in NC and a day in Texas with them. I didn’t want to upset the driver when he was going to be driving off into the sunset with all my worldly goods (other than some personal items). He described his location and we identified his whereabouts on Google earth. He said ‘can you come and get me?’ I could see that it was going to be an interesting few days.
I confess I did greet him with ‘Why don’t you get a sat nav’ (hastily translated into American – ‘GPS’). This was followed with ‘Barry – aren’t you selling enough records anymore?’ Barry White was moving us. If it wasn’t Barry, then had to be his brother!
Moving can be stressful. This is our 3rd move in 18 months and practically, it doesn’t get any easier. Emotionally, leaving North Carolina did not feel the same as leaving England a lifetime ago!
When the company came round to quote for the move the little man who turned up said he was ex-military. I was sure he was ex-travelling circus but people are full of surprises. He said he could tell people’s nationality by their furniture. No Shit Sherlock! I thought my accent and huge union Jack rug might be a give away! I found my daughter in my room looking very embarrassed with something behind her back. When the man left the room she revealed a bra and gave me a stern ‘Mommy!’. I hadn’t been expecting him. I guess I was lucky it was just a bra exposed. Thankfully my daughter has a sense of modesty and decorum I lack! Ironically it was the same bra I saw Barry White fishing out from under the bed when they were packing up.
It did make me wonder what people do with ‘personal items’ when they move. Do you leave your vibrator for the packers to ‘find’ or take it as personal luggage and run the risk of airport security getting it out. Someone I know carries a tube of Anusol (haemorrhoids cream) through airport security to try to embarass the staff on purpose. If I tell you (and I have never told anyone before so keep it secret) that I throw dirty underwear away rather than risk the possibility that customs might mooch through my knickers then you’ll understand that I could never cope with more major luggage indiscretions like battery operated sex toys! I wouldn’t want to be arrested and in ‘Busted Locals’ for smutty smuggling!
You can imagine my horror when I thought my worse fears (or most secret hopes) had been realised when one of the packers said ‘Barry wants you upstairs in the bedroom’. I didn’t know what to expect but my mouth went a little dry at the thought! He just wanted to know what was in some boxes I had pre-packed. I dramatically shooed the kids out of the room, shut the door, tried to flutter my eyelashes and look demur (hard when you feel stressed and look like shite) and whispered in his ear ‘they are Christmas presents for the children’. That had him! He quickly taped up the box without checking. My blushes (or his) were spared. My ‘personal items’ were safe, along with the illegal contraband not allowed on the truck – candles, aerosols, washing powder… anything inflammable which they had confused with anything you burn. The washing power has the environmentally disastrous potential to SPILL and ruin other things. I pleaded that if it spilled it would spill on my things so that was ok but Washing powder was banned form the journey south!
They absolutely refused to take 3 cans of paint I wanted to take as touch-up paint for my Son’s furniture. It was water-based and safer than kiddie poster paint. You could put fires out with it but Barry refused and it was too late to smuggle them into my ‘Christmas box’. All rather senseless when Barry happily drove our two cars on the truck (it was a BIG truck) full of petrol, which to my knowledge is highly flammable! As all matches and candles had been confiscated there was nothing to actually ignite the cars with though!
I asked Barry if I could take the fireworks I had smuggled from South Carolina for New Years Eve and never used (It wasn’t a party state). Barry didn’t think I was very funny at all!
It took two days to pack our things into the truck. Hubby and daughter departed early with the cats as hand luggage while me and my son stayed to wave goodbye to ‘the moving truck’ as he called it. I signed all the paper work and bid them farewell THEN discovered the deep gauge in the wooden floor, the deep trammel lines across one of the doors and the hole in the lino. Bugger, that is the deposit gone and Barry gone, with all my worldly goods and a few personal items as stowaways.


  1. Why are they so keen to know what's in your boxes?

  2. ...because I might have something interesting in my box! :))))

    And they were concerned that I may have been trying to smuggle aerosols and paint onto the truck! They did all the packing so they reserved the right to refuse any boxes unchecked by them!

  3. From Jase
    When will the "Moving Truck" arrive?

  4. From me cos I can't comment on the blog again!:

    Good question Jase! It would have to be moving to get anywhere and it doesn't seem to be showing any signs of movement!