Thursday, December 15, 2011

The twelve Days of Christmas – Southern State Side!

On the first day of my American Christmas Uncle Sam gave to me
A Wal-mart as large as the eye can see

On my second day of Christmas a red neck gave to me
Two snapping turtles
And a Wal-mart special ‘buy one get one free’

On my third day of Christmas a Texan gave to me
Three Texan turkeys
Two inquisitive turtles
And a Wal-mart shopping cart that’s wonky

On my forth day of Christmas a plastic surgeon gave to me
Four ‘Cougars’ (old birds)
Three Texan turkey hunts
Two fried snapping turtles for my tea
And a Wal-mart loyalty card for free

On my fifth day of Christmas the PoPo gave to me
Five stolen rings (from da ‘hood)
Four Cougar shoulder pads
Three Texan turkeys gobbling
Two bowls of snapping turtle soup
And a Wal-mart Employee Christmas songs CD

On my sixth day of Christmas the Tea party gave to me
Six Republican senators
Five stolen rings with real diamonique
Four Cougar implants
Three Texan turkey rifles
Two snapping turtle tails and gator tail stew
And a Wal-Mart shoplifter caught on DVD

On America’s seventh day of Christmas a cruel sad Yankee gave to me
Seven hours of American football
Six Republican candidates
Five stolen ringers
Four Cougar laser facial hair removal treatments
Three Texan Turkey decoys
Two baked turtles and a simmered ‘coot
And a Wal-mart 70 inch TV

On the eighth day of Christmas a Pastor gave to me
Eight bible study groups
Seven hours of explanation of American football
Six Republican nominees
Five spicy onion rings
Four Cougar teeth bleaches
Three Texan Turkey Hunting tanks (it’s extreme)
Two Snapping Turtles road kill
And the Wal-mart local druggie

On the ninth day of Christmas American Kids gave to me
Nine special allergies
Eight nutty (I’m allergic to them) bible groups
Seven hours of warm up in American football
Six Republican wanabees
Five burning rings (from butt blazin’ Sphincter Shrinker sauce)
Four Cougar fanny packs
Three Turkey Texan Dodge Rams, Texan edition
Two snapping turtles and road kill grill
And a Wal-mart people make-over for free

On the tenth day of Christmas John Doe gave to me
Ten ‘no-win, no-fee’ lawyers
Nine made up allergies
Eight bewildered bible groups
Seven hours of stoppage in American football
Six Republican teabagees
Five stinging rings
Four Cougar botox jabs
Three Texan Turkey tailgaters
Two bowls of fried turtle and grits
And a Fat Wal-mart jhort wearing shopping buddy

On the eleventh day of Christmas MacDonald’s gave to me
Eleven selections on the $ menu
Ten lucrative lawsuits
Nine extreme allergies
Eight blinkered bible bashers
Seven hours of commercial breaks in American football
Six Republicans high on e’s
Five hot stinging rings
Four Cougar eye lifts
Three Texan Stetson hats
Two snapping turtle shell bowls, hand polished by Jimmy Joe Bob
And a Wal-mart loyalty tattoo for free

On the twelfth day of Christmas a Cowboy gave to me
Twelve tumble weeds
Eleven toxic, glowing McRibs
Ten counter-claim lawsuits
Nine anti- allergen epi-pens
Eight buggering bible bigots
Seven hundred pounds of flabby American footballers
Six Republican sex scandal divorcees
Five shiny rings of fire
Four Cougar facelifts
Three Texan turkey thanksgiving roasts
Two snapping turtle shell bowls filled with buttered shrimp an’ grits
And free lifetime membership as a Wal-mart zombie

Merry Christmas everyone


  1. Oh my goodness. I've been away for a bit in my world of busy and denial and I'm so glad I decided to catch up on some blogs today. This is so dang funny! I have to share with my American friends :D

  2. One word. Fab xxxxxx

  3. Happy holidays, nah bollox to that, Merry Christmas and keep the blogs a rollin xxx