I was determined not to watch the Super Bowl. As I have said before (this time last year in fact) I didn’t know who was playing or even quite what they were playing. Load of old balls if you ask me.
People have told me I need to embrace my American life a bit more. They probably didn’t mean eat more donuts but I certainly have given that a good go! A post from TIME magazine caught my eye. It said ‘Don’t care much about the football game?’ I was about to ‘like’ it and comment in American style that I didn’t give a rats ass about it when I read the next line ‘Here’s how to sound smart when talking about the Super Bowl’. Seemed like a contradiction in terms to me. No one talking about the super bowl ever sounds smart. I remembered the advice to embrace
so I thought if I read it and took some active interest I might actually enjoy watching the game. The article really didn’t start with the basics. You know ‘a sport played by men with odd shaped balls’. I need basics! I looked up a few key terms. Unlike Americana Rugby, American football doesn’t even have a good ‘Ruck’ but does officially have a ‘fumble’. In fact, the article described American football as a ‘chess match’. I really don’t think the sports donkeys play it like a game of chess. From my limited knowledge I would say all they have to do it catch the ball and run! TIME really did over-complicate matters. I need to cancel my subscription.
So I thought ‘Ruck me! I am not going to sit through 6 hours of boredom, I’m going shopping!’ I perhaps should have at least checked what time the game started. We got back just in time for kick off or touch down or whatever. Hubby embraced the excuse to start drinking early so I even offered to go and buy beer. He needed something stronger after my uncharacteristic act of kindness. I was just trying to avoid boredom! The supermarket was heaving. It was full of unpatriotic Americans, shopping instead of watching the game. Maybe I am more American than I think! They had sold out of hubby’s favourite beer ‘Land Shark’. The man said they had a bit of a rush for it!. ‘Oh! Why?’ I asked innocently in my bestest plummy English accent (which is no mean feat for someone from
) ‘Is there something going on this afternoon?’ Birmingham
He said there would be millions of gallons of beer drunk. He was more precise but I wasn’t listening. I tried to Google ‘How much beer..’ I got as far as ‘How’ and Google came up with ‘How old is Madonna’. This must have been the big question after the Super Bowel because she looked amazing during her on-pitch mini show. She looked 100’s of years younger than her real age.
While hubby sat boozing and my mother sat trying to work out the difference between American and real football, I sat sulking on my ipad. Another post caught my eye – about David Beckham’s new underpant commercial. I Googled that (literally!) and it said the new H&M ad would debut at the Super Bowl. Now I decided to pay attention. I watched at least nine torturous minutes of the Superb owl and during the 20 commercial breaks I didn’t catch a glimpse of ‘Golden Balls’. I didn’t see the David Beckham ad either.
I saw someone – from the Fudgers or the packers, or some shit like that, catch a ball. The commentator said it could be the turning point and if the Fudgers won we would be watching that catch for the next 50 years. I already thought I had! It felt like it.
I think it was a very close game. It was hard to tell. They got excited at the most stupid of things. Some fat bloke running 32 inches (really America should become metric – it would have sounded so much further in centimetres or millimetres!) and the crowd are going wild (ish). Turns out it came to a single fumble of balls at the final whistle. I was poised on the edge of my seat …still waiting for that Beckham ad (talking of balls – what are in his boxers? I’ve seen the still shots!) or waiting to leap up and turn the TV off as soon as hubby fell into an alcohol induced slumber. One of the Fudgers dropped his ball. The captain said ‘we got to the fifty and kind of ran out of time and threw a hail Mary at the end.’ My understanding of a Hail Mary is a catholic prayer asking for the intervention of the Virgin Mary. Doesn’t seem very strategic to me. I checked the TIME article and it said nothing about a Hail Mary move. I play chess a little (I know what the prawns and horses and stuff do) and I don’t think it is a chess move. Good Old Google! In super bowl terms it is a very long pass made in desperation with only a small chance of success. So I was right about American football. All balls. All down to one team catching the ball and the other team dropping the ball! Who needs TIME magazine to explain that?!